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A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives, but if her husband dies she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. So biblically the bottom line for the follower of Christ is: Will you marry only a believer.

So a Christian is not free to marry outside the Lord. And what saddens me, Tony, is how many believers get so entangled emotionally with unbelievers that they either throw away their convictions or they stand on their head to see the other person as a believer when he is not. A mature believer will want his or her spouse not just to profess some kind of creed or be willing to go to church.

When we were still in college, my husband had 38 first job interviews before he landed a second one.

He was horrible at interviews, but by the 38th one, he had learned how to engage with good questions, talk about himself an appropriate amount and gauge interest from himself and the interviewer.

This involves judging a potential guy or girl for the 38 qualities you are looking for in an ideal mate—before even grabbing coffee together. Sometimes the “hanging out” leads to hooking up, sans dating, which is another uber-confusing side effect of the Faux Christian Dating cycle. What if Christians just began to date like normal people—not dating toward immediate marriage and not eschewing dating for the less-desirable “hanging out” no man’s land?

It’s like arranged marriages where no one is making the arrangements, and it doesn’t seem to work very well. Here’s what I think it would require: Stop evaluating whether the guy who’s taken an interest in you is strong and tenderhearted enough to raise your future kids.

NICOLE UNICE Nicole Unice is the author of ÒBrave Enough: Getting Over our Fears, Flaws and Failures to Live Bold and Free.Ó (Tyndale, 2015) and travels frequently enough to almost feel like she can fly.

Dating helps two people sort out what it would be like to be together, to be in a friendship.I don’t have first-hand knowledge, but thanks to reality TV, I believe it appears to involve asking the woman’s dad if she is available to date, and possibly not kissing until the actual wedding.Outside the Duggar-verse, there is the less overt but just as prevalent “ideal spouse” dating. Did she want my sweatshirt because she was cold, or because she likes me?I can’t say it clearly enough: Hanging out in groups will not be enough information to determine who is worth marrying.Everyone is different when you get them one-on-one.

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